Green Feet like Daddy’s

I am consistently amazed at how much my son Aidan wants to be like me. He wants to go biking with me, watch and cuddle to a movie with me, get a haircut when I get a haircut, etc.

About three weeks ago I cut my hair, and Aidan was insistent on getting one too. I cut my own hair, using clippers without a guard for my hair, and I use the lowest guard for his. This time, when he looked in the mirror, he said, “No, I want to be bald like you dad.” It was cute, but I wasn’t sure if he would look good with it that short. “Next time” did not sway him and he started to get really upset and cry real tears – so I cut it without the guard. He sort of looked like a little Buddhist monk, but he liked it and I did too.

I have been walking every night in the backyard barefoot for 30 minutes. Aidan has been coming out with me lately, wearing his flip flops. At first he would walk around the yard a couple of times, then go to the playset for a while, then go inside. But he has been walking more and more lately. It has been really fun having him out there – he walks ahead of me and start to chase him a little – he screams and runs – I stop and he stops – I wait until he isn’t looking then start to chase again.

When I finish, there is usually a bit of grass stain on my calluses. He must have noticed, because this week he started to get really upset because his feet were not green like mine.  Part of me is thinking, “That is silly, you don’t need green feet, I’m not actually trying to get green feet, you’ll just have to wash them…” But it has been dawning on me that he just wants to be like me, and it is ok to just let it go and let him do it. There is some weird wall or blockage in me that brings up those negative thoughts, when if it makes him happy to have green feet or a bald head like me, let him. So, last night he was out there the full thirty minutes with me, without flip flops, and sure enough, he got green feet. He was very happy and quite satisfied.

He wants to be like me. Wow. It is just amazing to me…maybe (probably) because I don’t really remember ever having these feelings for my own father. Perhaps when I was his age, I did. But my father went through some hard times of unemployment and business failures, and by the time I came around, he was grumpy the majority of the time. I don’t know everything that went on behind the scenes, kept from the eyes of children, but what I do know is I do not recall ever wanting to be like my dad. With that in mind, I am determined to do whatever I need to do to encourage him (and my daughters) and to stay engaged in his life, no matter what hardships occur. I don’t know why, but I think somehow somewhere my dad just disengaged from my life. He chose to be distant almost constantly.

What is cool is this: even though I did not feel that for my dad, the fact that Aidan feels that for me allows me to almost relive my childhood through him.

So, as a dad, I do sometimes growl, get angry and yell at my kids. What I have learned through raising Vanessa is to follow up with gentleness and apologies, if needed. I have also learned to give postive encouragement for the good that the kids do…ok, my wife has trained (is still training) me to do this. As in, if things are running good, I don’t naturally think to give complements.

Ultimately, to give credit where credit is due, I am only the person I am today because of God’s mercy and my decision to walk with Him.